Baja Bummer

Baja Bummer

Author's Note: This is a silly piece inspired by Byrn Donovan's "5000 Writing Prompts." I enjoy returning to that book when I'm looking to "mix things up." I highly recommend it or similar prompt exercises for working out of writer's block. The prompt for this piece was "someone being banned from Taco Bell." Additionally, comments should be enabled on my website now. If you've ever thought about leaving a scathing review for the public to see, now is your chance. Enjoy!

***

“Yes, I’d like 3 shredded chicken burritos please.”

“I’m sorry, we actually stopped carrying the shredded chicken burrito.”

“Oh. . . Since when?”

“Uhh, a few years ago give or take.”

“Wow, umm, what about the shredded chicken taco?”

“I’m sorry, we don’t have any shredded chicken items on the menu.”

“Oh . . . What chicken items do you have?”

“Well, we have the chicken quesadilla and the chicken chipotle melt.”

“What type of chicken is in those?”

“More cube-like. You know, like . . . umm, chopped chicken.”

“Chopped chicken?”

“Yes, chopped, not shredded.”

“Okay, yeah. Could someone, maybe, I don’t know, rip them up with their hands before putting them in to, say, the quesadilla or the melt?”

“Rip the chicken up?”

“Yeah, you know, tear the chopped chicken up.”

“Uhm, sorry, we can’t do that, sir.”

“Okayyy, could you put the cube, I mean chopped, chicken into a side container and give me a quesadilla without the chicken?”

“You want a cheese quesadilla with a side of chicken?”

“No, I want the chicken quesadilla, but I’d like the chicken taken out and put in a small container.”

“. . . sure, we can do that.”

“You don’t seem sure.”

“I’m sure, sir.”

“Okay, one chicken quesadilla then with the chicken taken out and put in a small container.”

“Yes, sir. Please pull up to the next window and we’ll have your order ready for you.”

***

“Hi, yes, sorry to bother you again. I was just in line a few moments ago. I ordered a chicken quesadilla with the chicken taken out.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I think there was a misunderstanding.”

“I’m sorry, I could have sworn the chicken was put in a side container, sir.”

“Yes, the chicken was in a side container, but I asked for it to be taken out of the chicken quesadilla. The chicken in my container wasn’t in the quesadilla. They’re spotless chopped-up, cube chicken without a trace of cheese, so I think someone, maybe you or someone in the back kitchen, misunderstood my intent. I asked if you were sure, and you said you were, but someone, maybe you or maybe someone else, is obviously not so sure. Not sure at all really. So, I don’t like repeating myself, you know, repeating myself feels like a waste of time, but here it goes. I. Don’t. Want. A. Cheese. Quesadilla. With. A. Side. Of. Chicken. I. Want. A. Chicken. Quesadilla. With. The. Chicken. Taken. Out. And. Placed. In. A. Side. Container.”

“. . .”

“Are you there?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well?”

“. . . If you pull up to the next window, I’ll have that fixed for you, sir.”

***

From an online review posted that day.

“Terrible service in every facet. Timeliness, attention to detail, and courtesy were non-existent. The fast-food restaurant industry, a pillar of American society, is in the shambles. We are truly witnessing the collapse of democracy in our lives. 3 stars.”